A Doctor Named Who
by chronikuru
Summary: "Bugger off. No Doctor Who hater is allowed in my house." Doctor Who baffles America and gets him kicked out of England's house. USUK. No knowledge of Doctor Who necessary.


A note: If you don't know what Doctor Who is, then you understand as much as America and you will understand most of this. If you do know what Doctor Who is, then this will be that much more entertaining.

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><p>America woke up and immediately knew something was wrong. At this time, England would usually be beside him, relaxing awake with a book or embroidery, because while he frequently said that America's company was the worst sort, the antithesis of a good British gentleman, America knew that England liked just being near him, whether he was asleep or awake (Japan had said, "Tsundere," and refused to explain what it meant). England might've had to tell a confused America that once, but America would forever say that he had known before because he was a hero and heroes knew that kind of thing about their boyfriends.<p>

However, this morning something had to be wrong, because England was nowhere to be found.

This worried America, who hadn't woken up without England beside him since they had gotten together, excluding the times either America or England was working in a different country. England hadn't said anything about a trip, so he was missing, and missing people needed heroes to rescue them!

With this (heroic) thought in mind America bounded down the stairs to the living room, pulling on a shirt as he went.

His search-and-rescue operation was much easier than he had anticipated because he found England sitting in the middle of the living room, glued to the TV in a way that previously America had thought only he could manage.

When England didn't acknowledge him, America finally said, "Morning!" enthusiastically, only to be shushed quickly.

After a moment of dumbfounded silence, England turned around, his face shining with childish exuberance.

"The new series of Doctor Who is starting!" England said without preamble.

"…What?"

"Series 6 of Doctor Who!"

"…I have no idea what that is, Artie." England was too excited to register the use of his hated nickname.

"It's the best TV show in the world, and it's a brilliant British creation. They just had the prequel for episode 1 playing, and Moffat's written another horror episode, so we'll have a fear of alien astronauts or something along with shadows and statues." He said this all in a rush.

"I still don't understand," America said bluntly.

Instead of a snarky comeback referencing his nation's low average IQ (supposedly), England continued steamrolling ahead with his confusing explanation.

"So, there's a guy called the Doctor, and he can regenerate when he starts to die. He's on his eleventh regeneration. He's a Time Lord and he has a TARDIS, that's a time machine that grows and lives, and he travels through time solving the problems of other planets and galaxies, but especially Earth's. And he has companions, because otherwise he would get lonely, and right now the companions are Amy Pond and Rory, and they're married, Amy and Rory that is, not Amy and the Doctor, though Amy did try to seduce him once, but he rejected her and probably marries River Song in the future, but we'll find that out this series-"

"Woah, woah. That makes no sense. At all."

"Then you should just watch the series! You'll learn about it as you go along!"

"I'm not watching some crazy show about a Doctor named Who."

"A _time travelling_ Doctor named- wait, crazy?" England suddenly became indignant. "It's not crazy! It makes more sense than those reality shows you love so much!"

"You just don't like real American life!"

"Those shows aren't even realistic! Anyways," England returned to the point, "Watch Doctor Who."

"No."

"Then bugger off. No Doctor Who hater is allowed in my house." England's face was dead serious.

America stared at him a moment. "Not a funny joke, Artie." England crossed his arms.

"Don't call me that, and I wasn't joking."

America's jaw dropped open. "What!"

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><p>"France," America whined into the pay phone, "England kicked me out!"<p>

"_Mon Dieu_," France sighed, "What did you do?"

"I just said that Doctor Who was crazy! How do I get England to let me back into the house?"

"It is impossible, _mon ami_."

"What!"

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><p>"Mattie, England kicked me out for insulting Doctor Who! What do I do!"<p>

"Maybe if you wait a few years and then apologize he'll forgive you enough to let you back in his house," was Canada's soft reply.

"I'm not waiting a few years! What's plan B?"

"There is no plan B. Sorry, Alfred." There was a click as Canada hung up.

"Mattie? Hey, Mattie! You're supposed to be polite!"

* * *

><p>"And don't come back until you can give me a summary of the entire new series!" England yelled as he chased America out of his house with a broom.<p>

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><p>"And then Amy remembered the Doctor and his TARDIS materialized and her and Rory left that night to travel with the Doctor. And then there was a Christmas special. Something about being halfway out of the dark and space fish."<p>

England scrutinized America's dull face for a moment before he nodded.

"Good enough."

America's face lit up as England stood aside to let him through the doorway.

"But never insult Doctor Who again."

America nodded fervently as he stumbled forward to sleep after his sleepless week of Doctor Who.

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><p>When the only time England talked to America on Saturday night was to warn him to look behind him for monsters, America swore that he would get revenge on the person who created Doctor Who one day.<p> 


End file.
